Dear Future Husband,
Loving me may not be easy or come as easy as it should, but I promise it will be worth it. I have walls built up because of what I’ve been through. I’m a little rough around the edges because of my fear of being hurt again. My heart is a little harder to give away this time because it’s been broken before, but if you can love me through my change my love is worth it.
I’ve been hurt, but it made me stronger. In making me stronger it made me wiser, and in being wiser I feel I know too much about heartbreak and how it feels and I know I never want to feel that way again. I want to love freely and carelessly, but my heart is mending and I need you to be patient.
I need your patience when you give me every reason to trust you, but I still have doubts in myself. I need your patience for the times I come so close to giving my all to you, but back away at the last second. I need your patience for when I cry, but can’t explain to you why it’s just that I need you. I want your patience, because I want to love you like you love me I just need some extra time.
With your patience I need your kindness. Even though I may not know you yet I’m positive you will be kind and understanding. I need you to understand that my past is my past. It won’t be erased or magically disappear it will always be there, but there is not who I am anymore and I need you to know that. You’ll still find the occasional picture I missed in erasing everything to forget what happened to me. You may hear his name brought up in casual conversation at some point on a difficult topic. But I need you to be understanding and know that you are my now and that was my then.
I need trust. I need you to trust me that my heart will mend and that it is yours. I want you to trust me and know that this is a temporary guard and that these walls will crumble when hit the right way. I need you trust me when I tell you I want you and need you in my life even if I don’t always act like I do. I have spent too long being independent and happy sharing that doesn’t come easily.
My independence is mine alone and my solitude is my comfort zone. I need you to not try and take away my independence but understand because of my independence I will love you better. I can love you better because I know what being alone feels like and I know being with you feels better than being alone. Know that I want your presence more than I want my solitude anymore.
The moral of the story is I may be hard to love at times, but I promise I will be worth loving all of the time. I will go out of my way to make you happy, because you make my world better by being in it. You give my life real happiness by being a part of it. You were the best thing I never knew I needed, and I plan to never let you go once I have you.