Staying Relationship Hopeful In A Hookup World

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With sites and apps like Tinder, Bumble and Christian Mingle out there is there a way to meet authentic people anymore? From what I’ve noticed if you aren’t high school sweethearts or had a heart felt meeting when your hand touched his while grabbing the same cup of coffee at Starbucks your love story is most likely coming from social media and it’s credibility is lacking. And no one wants to explain to their Grandma that you met Mr. Right on FarmersOnly.com.

Apps like Tinder make the so called hookup society today able to thrive in itself. Sure there are people on there who actually are looking for a quality individual to spend Saturday mornings with, but 8 out of 10 people are looking for their Friday night hump and dump. I’m not saying that it’s completely wrong to be looking for that, to each their own, but it’s sad when our dating style has evolved from calling a girl on the phone to ask her on a formal date to sending her a  text asking if she wants to hang one night this week. It’s disappointing that instead of guy’s walking to a girl’s door and knocking to let her know he’s there to pick her up he just sends her a text when he’s outside for her to come out. And now happy endings on dates means getting laid instead of a kiss goodnight at the door and a “I had a great time. I’ll call you tomorrow”.

Is the desire for authenticity gone? Are there still guys and girls out there that want to date for the lame old reason of wanting to spend quality time with a certain person and getting to know them. Does anyone care anymore how many brothers or sisters the person has? Or what their five year plan is? Or is it all about instant gratification and staying emotionally unattached because it is easier?

Well for me I remain Pro Relationship. Even in today’s hookup culture I stay relationship hopeful. I think Tinder and Bumble can be great ways to meet people. When I was using them I met some really interesting people that without those apps I probably never would have had the pleasure of meeting. Sure they are helpful. Is Mr. Right one right swipe away? Probably not. Is it possible? Sure!

From my relationship history I have every reason to not believe in settling down. After what I went through everyone thought I would be anti-commitment and not want a relationship again. I’m oddly the complete opposite. I believe in love and the strong foundation of a committed relationship. I want Friday nights with someone, but I also want Saturday mornings with the same person. I want Netflix marathons and Sunday afternoon adventures. I have limited spare time between work, modeling, and college that that small amount of free time I do have I would rather spend with one meaningful person that 20 meaningless people.

I stay hopeful because I know Mr. Right is out there and he is trying to find me as hard as I’m trying to find him. I stay hopeful because I want a happily ever after and a white picket fence or a house in the city. I want babies and cheesy Christmas cards every year. I stay hopeful knowing that what I have went through has made me stronger and that if I can love the wrong person as much as I did I am going to love the right person that much more.

So how do you date? How do you talk to and date people when everyone’s prerogative is to get laid and go? My one helpful hint is to stay honest. Not just to the person you’re talking to, but to yourself. Chances are you’ll find a few people that you think are Mr. or Mrs. Right by the time your search is over, and don’t fall for everything they say. Sure you will meet some honest genuine people and sometimes it just won’t click. Sometimes you will meet the kind of person that says all the right things exactly at the right times, and sadly some of those times the words won’t be true.

Mostly be true to what you want. When you ask a guy what they are looking for and they say just friends or that they are just wanting to date around right now do not change what you want to seem appealing to them. When they ask you the same question if you want a commitment and a relationship, SAY IT. If they don’t like it well, on to the next. If you don’t plan on sleeping with someone at the end of the date and you feel like they are anticipating it, be upfront! Tell them that isn’t what you are looking for and if that’s a problem for them well, it’s better you know now. Changing yourself may make the other person happy, but you will short yourself in the long run. The main point of dating is to make sure  you are happy first. If you aren’t you are in the wrong situation.

Just don’t lose hope. Stay strong with your morals and don’t compromise your wants and needs to adapt to a culture that’s so known for instant gratification and taking the easy way out. People will come and they will go. There’s some that will leave small empty spots in your hearts and some you will be glad to see gone. Don’t date just to have someone. Date because you want that someone more than any other someone.

In today’s society odds aren’t in favor of the relationship hopeful people, but if you stay hopeful you will find another that is just as relationship hopeful as you and it will be happily ever after. Until then stay honest, remember what you want and  be careful who you swipe right to.

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